You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Randomize
