Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
