Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
