Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
