Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.