you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.