i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
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She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.