My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
I told him it was alright.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.