just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.