I wish I could punch you in the face.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
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there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
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That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?