so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize