After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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