I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
