Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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