He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
