at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
