I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
