You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
