Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
