Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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