Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
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You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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