So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
