i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
