look no pants
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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