HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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