We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
