my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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