I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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