how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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