So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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