Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
