from now on my penis is your penis
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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