We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
