the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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