Whod you bang
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
