it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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