When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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