Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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