So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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