Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
