your thong is hanging out like whoa
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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