girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
