Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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