Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How does it feel to date your dad?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
