I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
