Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
