the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
