it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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