I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
