It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
