Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
