just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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