I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
