Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The air was thick with penises
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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