Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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