Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
