Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
