she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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