All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen