Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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