she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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