You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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