there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
