I just cut my nipple shaving
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
