when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
