as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
