please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
