Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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