so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
