I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
