I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
