it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
