How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
