She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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