You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
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So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
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I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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