i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
