Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
