I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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