the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
