My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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