He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We have so much sex to catch up on
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
