i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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