You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
