New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
