I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
