I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
