Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
