so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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